we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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