I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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