Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
