hotel room ftw
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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