I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
