your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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