My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
