The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
