when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
