I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
