from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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