I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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