end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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