he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
