im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
