so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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