at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
