i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
