To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
