Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
