what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
