We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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