I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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