I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
