feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
