We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
