just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
