The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
