we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
