didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
