I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
