I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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