are you still at the devil's house?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sorry about my life...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
