I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
this will be a night to untag.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
