whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
