I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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