I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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