well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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