So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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