I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
