did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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