I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
