i just had sex bonerless
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
