I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
