is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
