It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
