i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
