you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We smell like vodka and hangover
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