either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
