Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
