: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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